Day 31 – I am a Wartime Consigliere*

This is really a blog about how much I love my job.  For those of you that don’t know what I do, I am a Program Manager for a super cool product made by a super cool company that I’m not going to name in this particular blog just in case it breaks some weird, unknown rule and I get dooced.   

I will start by answering the question: What does being a “Program Manager “ mean anyway?  Well, I think it means different things at different companies.  Even within those companies, it means different things for different people.  For me, in its simplest definition, it means that I am charged with ensuring that we ship on time.  I define this as helping my team by solving problems as quickly as possible so that they can focus on and complete their work.  Some of the things I do every day are identifying and mitigating risks, identifying and removing impediments on the folks trying to code and test our software, harassing people to get information on risks, harassing people to get information on impediments and generally moving things along.  It’s my job to set up the project schedule.  It’s my job to know and report the status of things.  It’s my job to remind people of their deadlines…and of course harass them if they are not meeting their deadlines.  It’s my job to coordinate with all of the other teams that we are dependent upon, or are dependent upon us, for a successful release.

Basically, it is my job to know all the things.

One of my co-workers recently told me I was bossy, or rather he told me that he told his boss I was bossy.  This is hilarious for a few reasons.

• Because it is true.
• Just one?  Really?  I would have thought they would have come out of the wood work by now.  Clearly, I need to up my game. 
• When I was digging into the definition of Program Management at my company, I told Joel that it seemed like a job where I got paid to tell people their business.  His response: “Wow, that’s something you’ve been training for your whole life.  You’ll be perfect!”

All that said there are the parts of my job which I kick ass at and there are the parts of my job for which I can only make myself strive for mediocrity.  For example, I know that I need to document all the things, but in the grand scheme of dealing with emergencies those types of tasks always move to the end of my To-Do list.  I keep up as best as I can, but by definition emergencies are a higher priority…and dear god do I love a fire drill.   I thrive under pressure.  I think I get bored with normal things like work-life balance, reasonable deadlines and manageable workloads.  I’m not one of those people that can have one thing to work on which doesn’t need to be finished for two weeks.  It bores me to tears. However, give me five critical things that are all “my highest priority” and tell me that I have two weeks to pull that shit together?  I’m excited…enthralled…exhilarated. 

This is probably why “thinkers” frustrate me.  I have a hard time relating to data driven people.  Why talk to death about the details when you can just formulate a plan, execute and adjust as you go?  Adapting is kind of my thing, so I guess the reason that I love fire drills is that they require constant adaptation due to new information, problems, solutions, etc.  I am at my best when I have to put myself in the adapt/adjust/execute loop.

Suffice to say the job keeps me on my toes.  It was actually awkward to type the sentence about one thing to do for two weeks because that hasn’t happened since I started.  I have an endless To-Do list that I can pull from in what folks in my position would consider “down time”.  What makes me giggle about that is that for most other jobs, our down time would probably still be considered a fire drill.   But, it works for me.  I have my days where I feel like I’m shit at what I do, but I also have the days that I feel on top of the world.  Also, I have an amazing team that I love working with every day; so in the end that makes it all worthwhile.  I love it when a plan comes together, and not just because I’m paid to.

*If you do not have any idea what this means, shame on you.  Educate yourself immediately!  

Days 28 – 30: The Quickie Mart, The Wine and The Nachos

I should start by saying that I have spent more time than is reasonable today trying to figure out what I was going to blog about tonight.  I knew that I was two behind, so I was trying to think of some kind of trifecta of happy making goodness.  I had a few ideas for three short blogs.  However, this evening as I wandered in to my local Quickie Mart -- which is the term I use for all 7-11, Super Food, Circle K and actual Quickie Mart type places -- I was filled with inspiration.

Once upon a time, I remember asking Joel what purpose the 7-11 served.  I believe I said “It is exactly like a gas station, except without the gas, which means it serves less of a purpose than a gas station.  It’s pointless.”  He looked at me as though I was daft, hustled me into the truck and away we went to explore our local 7-11.  I learned quite a few things that day.  It is a place of magic.  Where else in the universe can you find motor oil, nail polish, slushies, $4.99 movies made only in the years 1979-1984 and a ham sandwich all within a ten foot radius?  Perhaps heaven, but certainly nowhere else on earth. 

My purpose this evening was to get a bottle of wine on my way home.  I could have gone many places to get this wine, but I knew I could get a bottle of wine that scored 90 points in Wine Spectator at my local Quickie Mart for $9.99 and that I could be in and out of that GD Quickie Mart in less than five minutes.  Math might not be my thing, but even I get why that is awesome.  And they don’t have those little rinky dink selections like they do at the gas station.  (By the way, does it disturb anyone else that you can buy wine at the gas station?  That shit comes with screw off caps now.  NOT SAFE for people who have my commute, and by not safe I mean for them.)  They have a pretty impressive assortment of wines to choose from.  My local store even has a wee bitty organic section.  This evening I settled on a lovely Gascon Malbec which you should absolutely try if you haven’t.  

Now that we have covered all of these super amazing things about the Quickie Mart, let’s talk about the one thing that is probably the most amazing of all.  The nachos.  You might hope that I’m kidding but I promise you I am not.  I. LOVE. SHITTY. NACHOS.  I love all nachos, but there is something about that nasty, goopy, warm cheese sauce that sends me right over the edge.  One day, if I am ever with McBaby, Joel will quickly need to learn of all of the Quickie Mart type places close by so that he can make sure when I send him out for shitty nachos at 3:00 AM he does not come back empty handed.  It’s the perfect drunk food, it’s the perfect hangover food, it’s the perfect because-it’s-Thursday food.  I don’t care that it has literally no nutritional value because no cheese could possibly survive in that formula.  I love it.  

So there you have it folks.  I realize that I have cheated both you and myself by combining these.  I know you are probably disappointed in me, hell I’m disappointed in myself.  However, I’m on glass two of the Malbec so things are looking up.  

BEHOLD...

Day 27 - Funny Conversations About Hotdog Spaghetti

Super busy, so making it brief.  This is what made me happy today...

(Sent from Joel through my instant messenger window)

Joel says:
Why does this make me unreasonably happy?
I mean we're well beyond the need for hot dog spaghetti, but this is brilliant!
 
Tiffany says:  
I'm not sure.  
Considering how much you hate pasta, I can only imagine it is your deep seeded love of stabbing shit.

Day 26 - ShonnaPants

Today, I celebrate my friend ShonnaPants.   

Technically her name is Shonna, but I mostly choose to ignore this fact.  She used to be a huge Spongebob SquarePants fan; either because she thought he was adorable or because her unholy alliance with the color yellow clouded her judgment.  Since giving people a hard time is one of my favorite things, I started calling her Spongebob ShonnaPants.  Eventually the Spongebob fell off and she was left with a nickname that I think suits her.  Then again, I tend to append “Pants” to the names of most of my favorite people; case in point, I call Joel “StinkyPants”.  Anyway, I digress.

Shonna is one of those people who feels like home.  There are times when she comes over to hang out and she does her homework at our kitchen table while I do work documentation.  It doesn’t have to be high maintenance, we can just “be”.  On several occasions, I have also come home to her making dinner in my kitchen.  I highly recommend finding a friend with this habit.  It is FREAKING DELIGHTFUL to come home to the smell of homemade meatballs and spaghetti that you did not have to cook.  My mother has tried to steal her for this very reason, but luckily she has been unsuccessful thus far.

She also fixes shit.  She can’t help it, it is in her nature.  If I have a project lying around and I leave it at half complete, she will start tinkering with it and eventually finish it.  One time she came over while I was trying to hang up curtains and she ended up hanging them for me.  Maybe it was because she couldn’t deal with my whining about how heavy the power drill was and swearing when it wasn’t working correctly, maybe it was because I wasn’t using the level and that type of irresponsible behavior drives her crazy, but I’d like to think that instead it was because she is just an incredibly helpful person and she knew I needed her.

She is kind, thoughtful and generous.  She is very deliberate when she is considering something.  I love this about her.  She never comes at me with some idea that is half-cocked.  I know that when Miss ShonnaPants says “I’ve been thinking about something”; she really HAS been thinking about it and I am in for a great conversation.  Also this trait means that when she says “Tiffany, you are wrong” or “Tiffany, you are overreacting”, I actually listen to her.  Shonna doesn’t say shit unless it is true. 

So, all of that said, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHONNA PANTS!!!

I was horrified at the very small number of pictures that I have of us together.  I have a few, but either her eyes are closed or one of us is looking away.  It’s ridiculous.  I pulled this one from Halloween 2008 because we are both looking at the camera and she makes a pretty sexy pirate.

Day 25 - Inspiration

I have been blogging about things that inspire me "that day" or "the day before".  As a cover your ass maneuver, I have also created a list of subjects that I can blog about when I run out of things to blog about.  However due to my job, I am all too familiar with C.Y.A. maneuvers and have a sadly pragmatic understanding of how they work over a period of time. 

Thus far, I have 19 items on my back up list.  I have 342 blogs left for 2012.  Even though I hate math with the white hot fire of a thousand suns (Sorry Mrs. Braun!  To be super clear, I ALWAYS loved your class and being your student.), that is a pretty obvious indication that I need to dole out my back up blogs wisely.

In the spirit of remaining positive, this blog is a holla to all of the blatant inspiration that I have in my life.  Honestly, I've been able to go 25 days in a row without even having to ponder "Hmmm...what made me happy today", which is pretty awesome.


Even now as I type, I look around my dining room and kitchen and see about fifteen things that I could snap a picture of and talk about their happy-making attributes.  It pains me that I have sworn not to talk about Joel, Riley and Sophie until their birthdays because they do things that make me happy every single day.  Hell, this glass that I'm drinking wine out of makes me happy. *


I love the fact that so many things in my life can act as my writing muse.  (Shameless plug:  Have you heard of Adobe Muse?  We have been having onsite meetings all week.  If you love creating websites, you should totally check it out.  http://muse.adobe.com/ This word is stuck in the forefront of my mind right now, which made it extra super eery that Karen blogged about it today.)

In summation, thank you my awesome life, for giving me so many reasons to be happy.  I'm sure there will be many, many days ahead in which I struggle to remember something that makes me happy.  Today, however, I rejoice in the endless possibilities.  

* I got this wine glass as a 2011 summertime visit gift from my mommy-in-law, Mama Mae.  She saw it and decided that it was made specifically for me.  Immediately after she gave it to me, I used it to drink wine while I was staying with them in ND.  Riley knocked version 1 of said wine glass over while I was there and broke it.  Mama Mae decided that the idea of me surviving without this wine glass was not acceptable, so she went out and bought me a replacement the next day.  **love**

Day 24 - Monday Night Date Night

I may have already mentioned this, but half of my team is in Noida (India).  This means that, depending upon whether or not we are currently observing Daylight Savings Time in the U.S., we are either 13 ½ or 12 ½ hours behind them.  This has caused some issues as far as our team meetings and work/life balance are concerned.  I had a co-worker in India who didn’t see his son for four days because of odd meeting hours.  This is not acceptable to me.  In order to solve this problem, I drove a decision that we would alter our meeting times per quarter.  One quarter they would be evening time US/morning time Noida.  Then vice versa the next quarter, rinse, repeat.  This was to ensure that A: All meetings were happening during one inconvenient time slot rather than alternating from early morning to late evening in one week  B: Everyone had to feel the pain of having meetings at sucky hours rather than focusing this on one Geography and C: Reiterating the fact that meetings are not free and we should try extra hard to respect each other’s time and make sure they are necessary before scheduling.

This seemed like a really good idea at the time.*

It is our quarter to have evening time meetings.  Currently, my evening meeting schedule is as follows:

• Mondays: 7:00 – 9:00 PM
• Tuesdays: 7:30 – 9:00 PM
• Wednesdays: 7:30 – 8:30 PM
• Thursdays:  Nothing standing, but I have had meetings from 7-9 PM pop up the past three weeks in a row.

This means that, during my quarters on, I am lucky if I get to have dinner with my McMen much less anyone else that I happen to love.  I have grown accustomed to some serious snuggle time with Mr. Joel and it was pretty obvious a couple of weeks into this new schedule that I wasn’t going to get that.  Joel decided to be proactive and help solve this problem for us, so he introduced Monday Night Date Night about four weeks ago.

On Monday nights at 9:00 PM sharp, we stop whatever we are doing and go into our bedroom for date night.  Stay with me, I promise that this isn’t going to get weird.  We pick out a movie before hand, we snuggle on our oversized bed with our overly stinky dog and we watch a movie together.  Sometimes we talk through it, sometimes we heckle it, sometimes we just watch in silence.  The important part is the cuddling.  It sounds simple, but it is really one of the best things ever. 

Last evening I had this conversation with Riley…

Me:  *gives big sloppy kiss to the head* Goodnight sweetie, I love you.  See you in the morning.

Ri:  I love you too.  Why are you going to bed?  It’s only 9:00 PM.

Me:  Because it is Monday Night Date Night and I am going to bed with your father.

Ri:  When did this tradition start?

Me:  Three weeks ago.

Ri:  Why am I not invited?

Me:  Because it is weird for teenage boys to cuddle in bed with their parents.

Ri:  Is the dog invited?

Me:  She is a dog and not a teenage boy.

Ri:  Is the dog invited?

We have fun.   

Anyway, when I got up this morning I was still all happy and sufficiently snuggled from watching Men in Black with the hubby.

*I still think it was the right thing to do, I’m just whining because reality is reality and sometimes it sucks even with the best of intentions.

Day 23 - Misheard Song Lyrics

I heard Young the Giant’s song “Cough Syrup”, after I started calorie counting.  While I knew that what he was saying was “Life’s too short to even care at all”, all I could hear was “Life’s too short to eat a carrot now”.  Now every time I hear that song, that is all I can hear and it makes me giggle.  There was a commercial a while back about misheard lyrics that had this adorable little girl sitting in the backseat of a car belting out “She’s got a chicken to ride and it’s in my hair…my baby donkey”.  Seriously, listen to The Beatles “Ticket to Ride” with that in mind next time.  You’re welcome.

There is the infamous “Blinded by the Light” wherein I was positive that he was singing “wrapped up like a douche” rather than “revved up like a deuce”.  I WISH that I did not mishear those lyrics because I was so disgusted by what I thought I heard that I never got around to liking that song.

When Nirvana’s Nevermind came out I remember loving the music while simultaneously thinking “what the hell is he saying anyway”?  Since the internet didn’t exist then, I just guessed.  To this day, I still hear “doused in mud, so petite” rather than “doused in mud, soaked in bleach”.  Undoubtedly, there is a long and detailed list of all of the other lyrics that I have misheard buried somewhere in my brain.  I’m sure some of my friends would be more than happy to remind me of my blunders since I like to sing the same line of a song over and over and over so it drove them a special kind of crazy if I had the lyrics wrong. 

At any rate, I heard Cough Syrup on the way home and I was cracking myself up.  That’s right,  I’m the crazy lady who cracks myself up by hanging out in my own head during my commute.  You cannot convince me that this comes as a surprise to you.  For your entertainment, I’m embedding the video.  You only have to listen to the first line if Young the Giant is not your thing.  I apologize in advance to all of the carrots out there.

Day 22 - Angie

Happy Birthday AngieBug!  

I unofficially met Angie on Facebook.  I officially met her on July 4th, maybe 2006.  A friend of hers worked with me and we each won a raffle to watch the fireworks from our cushy courtyard with a view.  I brought my Joely, she brought Miss Angie.   We snuck out onto the Burke Gilman trail so that we could smoke cigarettes together.  


Angie is a wee little whirlwind.  She's vivacious, she's intelligent and she has immaculate taste.  I loved her immediately.  Angie taught me how to hunt for a bargain.  My mother has always been a bargain hunter, so it is a concept I've always been familiar with...but Angie taught me how to make it fun.

One of the things I find most inspirational about her is that the woman has been through SO MUCH.  Be it her health or relationships, she has had plenty of things that would bring mortal women to their knees, but she has always been able to keep herself positive about life.  


She is also an advocate of all animals.  Many people say that they love animals, but Angie has proven that she is willing to go the extra mile to love and protect them.  She used to have a room dedicated to the stray cats she would find in her neighborhood.  She would care for them.  If they were pregnant, she would nurture the kittens, take them to the vet, get them all spayed/neutered and find homes for them.  She is a tender heart and I love that about her.

I remember the night she found her Pomeranian Barney Barker.  She and her boyfriend at the time were taking a walk and they saw him on the street.  She called me and told me that she just found this adorable, little white Pom and she didn't know how to find his owners.  The conversation went as follows:


Me: "So, you're telling me you have a dog?"

Angie:  "No, I'm serious!  He's not wearing a collar, but there must be some way to figure out who's dog he is.  Seriously though...he is SO cute."
Me:  "So, you're telling me you have a dog?"


Happy Birthday my friend.  I hope it was a lovely one!  Also, say hi to Barney Barker for me! 

Day 21 - When Joel Cleans the Bathroom

I'm behind, so I'm going to make this a quick one.  

Of all of the places in my house that absolutely must be clean, it is the bathroom.  There is nothing more disgusting than a dirty, nasty, hairy bathroom.  It is the stuff of nightmares.  Considering how much it freaks me out when the bathroom is gross, you would think I would be all over making sure it was clean.  However, I have a finite amount of time and a lot on my plate so it doesn't always get done as often or as quickly as I would like.

When Joel and I had a talk about this, he told me that he would start cleaning the bathroom so that I wouldn't have to worry about  it.  Awwww, what a guy!  

The other thing about him cleaning the bathroom is that he does it properly.  I know that sounds weird, but my mom taught me how to clean a freaking house and I have a pretty specific idea of how I like things to be cleaned.  He gets it and I love that.  

Now...I should go soak in my sparkling tub.  :-)

*love*

Day 20 - The Godfather

The "Seattle Snowpocalypse 2012" has kept me cozy in my home since Tuesday afternoon.  Snow days don't really exist for me in this age of access anywhere, so not only have I been locked in my house, but I've been locked in my house working.  Normally, this would mean that I would have gone stir crazy sometime yesterday and pulled out all of the hair in Joel's beard.  (What, you didn't think I would take my hypothetical aggression out on myself, did you?)  


But something miraculous happened yesterday.


I, due to a number of factors including both technical difficulties and distractions, didn't get as much done as I would have liked on Wednesday.  In order to solve this problem I decided to lock myself in my bedroom on Thursday.  After a long stretch of being reasonably productive, I decided to start watching the Godfather movies.  I was doing a bunch of mind numbing documentation and I felt like the background noise would help.  I was right.  BAM...I went into super productive mode the second the theme song started playing. 


The Godfather and The Godfather: Part II are both in my top ten favorite movies of all time. I've always loved mafioso movies, but these are the absolute best.  They strike such a cord in me, I'm not sure if it is the intense family ties, the history, the beautiful way they build the family's rise of power, the tragic way it disappears or the young, utterly swoon-worthy Robert De Niro. 



I rarely watch Part III, even though I love the quote "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!"  However, the first two are also filled with fantastic quotes and are absent of incest.  So, there is that.



I almost pulled Riley in to make him watch the scene in Part II where Vito was helping the widow that was getting kicked out of her apartment.  Instead of starting at the middle, I told him that the very second he was old enough to understand exactly what made these films so amazing, I was going to make him sit down and watch the trilogy.  His response?  "Like when I'm eighty?"  



*le sigh*



As a completely related side note, I'm currently watching the third movie which is a rare occurrence, but a necessary evil every few years.  Sofia's acting makes Baby Jesus cry.  I would say that it is a good thing she's a phenomenal director, but she's a Coppola so she really doesn't NEED to be talented at anything.  But seriously, directing is really her calling.  If you don't believe me, watch The Virgin Suicides.