Day 60 - My dog's unconditional love

Today was the kind of day that I had to struggle to think of something that made me happy. 

I got home this evening and while shoving leftover pizza in my face, I talked to Joel and Riley as much as I could in the 30 minutes I had in time before I had to dial in to my first meeting.  When I was finished, I ran around grabbing my phone, my laptop, my chargers, any other crap I needed to get together, went in to my room to set up and got ready for my meetings.  

As I was settling in, I looked down and Sophie was sitting on my bedroom floor with her stuffed hedgehog in her mouth, ready to play with mama. I stopped, looked at her and said "Oh puppy, I'm sorry.  I don't have time to play right now."  She dropped her hedgie, jumped up on the bed and settled down beside me to nap.

The purest form of unconditional love.  She doesn't need anything from me except to love her right back.  She just wants to be close to me.  

Joel says that when I have sleepovers at my girlfriends house, she sits on the couch and cries, staring at the front door and waiting for me to get home.  When I am home, she follows me from room to room.  When I lay down on the couch, she immediately jumps up and makes herself comfy on my legs.

Another day, Sophie Freckle Belly and all of her antics will be the subject of a blog.  That might seem like cheating, but she makes me so happy she deserves more than one blog to herself.  For today, the way that she loves me no matter what comforts me and makes me superbly happy.

I call this one "Mama, I've been waiting for you to come home my whole life!"

I call this one "Mama, I've been waiting for you to drop some ham on the floor for me my whole life!"

I call this one "Mama, I've been waiting for you to take a picture of us upside down snuggling my whole life!"

Day 59 - You Should Have Seen This

Today I'm too tired for a real blog.  This was my happy making thing last evening AND this evening because Riley and I are watching it together.  Seeing as how our family primarily communicates in sarcasm and pop culture references, we figured it was our obligation.

You Should Have Seen This - Internet Memes

By the way, my favorite internet meme ever is STILL the Numa Numa guy.  I don't know why, but every time I'm sad I watch that video and it makes me giggle out loud.  Every time.

Day 58 - Finnegan the Dino Rider

Our sweet little Finn was born 3 years ago today, which is a testament to that whole "time flies" thing.  

I may be partial, but I think he is one of the cutest little guys on the planet.  Since Finn and I have only known each other for such a short time, I don't have tons of examples to give about our relationship like I will when it is his Mama Beck's birthday.  Instead, I will provide a bulleted list of things that make him a supremely awesome little human...

• He loves reading, so much so that he insists that he brings books to bed with him.  
• He is a thoughtful little guy; when he and Mama were out he found a toy he wanted to buy for Sophie.  It is still one of her favorite things to play with.
• He knows how to work the system.  One time when he was over, Mama told him that if he wanted to play with cars, he had to do it at the table.  If he wanted to play with Sophie, he had to leave his cars on the table.  This was not acceptable to Finn because he REALLY wanted to be able to see his cars no matter where he was, so he said "Hey Auntie Sassy, want to play with Sophie?" and I said "Sure", at which point he handed me the bag of cars and said "Here, carry these!"
• He throws the horns on demand.
• He helps pick up his toys.
• He goes to bed without crying.
• He gives REALLY good hugs.
• He is crazy about his Auntie Shonna. Amidst all of the chaos of his birthday party yesterday, he kept asking for her.  It was so stinking cute. I think he is going to ask her to marry him pretty soon. I can't say that I blame him as she will make an excellent Sugar Mama.

Here is a picture of the little man and I on the night he was born:

Here is a picture of Finn and his favorite McCone.  When he wants to come over he tells Beck "Are we going to Sophie's house?"

 

Day 57 - Seattle Children's Museum

On Sunday, I went to the Seattle Children's Museum at the Seattle Center for the first time ever.  I was there for Finnegan's 3rd birthday.  Spoiler Alert:  The next blog is about Finn!

I had never had much of a reason to go.  I don't have kids and I don't watch anyone's kid often enough that it came up as a destination.  As I learned on Sunday, you can't actually go inside unless you have a kid.  I am in complete agreement with this policy, but it makes me sad that the gross nasty sickos have infected something that should be so sweet and innocent...because that place is ultra cool.

They have all of these little rooms with different themes.  Apparently they change some of them out from time to time, but it was fun to watch the kids running from area to area.  PLAY PRETEND CASHIER, RUN INTO PRETEND RESTAURANT, RUN OUT OF PRETEND RESTAURANT WITH STOLEN RUBBER FISH, PRETEND TO DRIVE BUS, BUILD SOMETHING COOL, RUN!  RUN!  RUN!  

It has been a long time since I've had to look down that much because there was danger of tripping over a wee one around every corner.  They were all so busy and happy.  Normally the thought of this many children in one area would terrify me, but it was actually really fun to see them all doing their thing.  Some independently, as though they were the only kids in the building.  Some focused on interacting with other people.  Some talking to the fish.  

I don't know, it was just happy making to see all those little germ factories having such a great time.

If you are a parent to a young child, live in this area and have never gone...get to it!
http://thechildrensmuseum.org/

Day 56 - Stickers with Annika

When Annika was little, for a brief time after she became aware of the world around her, I was one of her favorite people.  This was also during the time when she was terrified of Joel and would scream bloody murder every time he walked into a room.  I knew that I should enjoy it while it lasted because it would eventually come to a screeching halt and she would love Joel more than she loved me.  This happens with all children.  

As predicted, Annika went through her stage of loving Joel, then Riley, then Joel, then Sophie and Joel about the same, then pretty much all Sophie all the time.  I mean, she is still obviously quite fond of me.  I know she loves me because of the squeal and big smile and running and hugging and kissing that happens every time she sees me.  However, if Sophie is around then that is where it stops and pup pup and Ani Girl follow each other around the house for the rest of the day.

It had been kind of difficult for me to connect with Annika since she was diagnosed with autism.  She likes to focus on one thing at a time, it is almost always the dog and the dog almost always overstimulates her since they have such a good time.  Once their wild rumpus is finally over, she doesn't have a lot of emotional energy left to give Auntie Sassy.  

I missed hanging out with my Ani and I wanted to have a special connection with her, so that's when we started doing stickers.  I bought a scrap book, a box of crayons and a buttload of stickers.  Now, every time I see Annika (and I mean EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.), she and I sit down and do stickers.  We talk about the stickers.  I've learned that there are some she is more interested in discussing.  For the others, she puts herself to task and moves all of them from the sticky sheet to the paper as quickly as possible.  I also got a special set of stickers that were pink sparkly tiaras and every time we do our stickers she gets to pick ONE princess sticker.  I forgot these on Saturday, so of course the first thing she said to me was "Princess sticker?"  

AUNTIE FAIL!

Anyway, I love doing stickers with her.  It's our special Ani/Auntie time.

I found this crazy Tinkerbell decal (and Tink is one of her favorite things).  My first thought was THE ULTIMATE IN STICKER FUN WITH ANNIKA!  Then, once I got it home I realized that it came in pieces.  I envisioned Annika and I trying to put it on the wall, having a random wing coming out of Tink's leg and not being able to stop my OCD from taking over and saying "Um, that isn't were that wing goes."  SO, mama and I put it up after she went to bed.  Apparently Annika was ecstatic when she saw it in the morning, but Auntie was still sleeping and missed the whole thing.  

Exhibit A:  
Kai helps me prove what a bad idea it would have been trying to bond over this by showing the impossible outlines on the sticker sheet.  Why didn't they make the fairy in one piece?  Were the production costs really that much less?  I guess we'll never know.

Exhibit B:
Cute girl loves her Tink.  And her crazy monster hat from Auntie Em.  And not wearing pants.

Day 55 - Organizing

Since I've already fessed up about the spreadsheets and my desire to own a label maker, why not go a little deeper down the rabbit hole.  Some like to call it borderline OCD; I refer to it as a passion for organization. 

When I was young, I used to collect little ceramic Home Interior bears.  Sometimes, my mom would come in my bedroom and move them just to mess with me.  I'd walk in to the room and immediately know that something was amiss.  I would stand very still and look around, assessing all of my treasures until I noticed the little bear dressed up like a police officer was rotated 45 degrees.  He wasn't supposed to be facing the little bear dressed up like a baker; IT WAS MADNESS!

I have my own certain way of doing almost everything.  Being married has forced me to ease up on this a little, mostly for the sake of my own sanity.  My choices were going completely Sleeping with the Enemy on Joel or conceding to the fact that sometimes the different types of peanut butter wouldn't be lined up properly in the cabinet.  So far, I've survived the chaos without incident.

Kai used to try to help me fold laundry when she was over.  She would fold a towel and set it on the table.  Our conversation would immediately halt and I would stare at it, then at her, then back at the towel.  Conversation would go as follows:

Kai:  You are going to refold that, aren't you?
Me:  *sheepishly answers * Yeah.
Kai:  Did you refold the last one while I was in the bathroom?
Me:  *looks away, then sheepishly answers* Yeah.
Kai:  Would you rather that I stop touching your laundry, sit down, drink my wine and keep you company while you finish?
Me:  *answers in a rush of excitement and relief*  Yes please, that would be wonderful!

I just feel as though everything should have its place.  If you come to my house and it is in disarray (which means there is mail stacked up, the table runner and centerpiece are misaligned and there is hair on the bathroom floor), it is because I have either been gone, super busy or taken to bed in a mid-winter depression.*  It just makes me feel more comfortable to be surrounded by order.  There are so few things in life that you can control, your house should not be one of them.


I'm sure you can imagine how much pleasure I derive from good organization tips.  While waiting for my obgyn to come in and check out my business, I was reading O magazine.  (Take a minute to let the irony sink in.) It had the kind of organization tip that makes you slap your forehead and think to yourself "It makes so much sense".  Fold your fitted sheet, top sheet and all but one pillow case in a set and put them all inside of the last pillow case for storage.  This way, they stack nicely and you can pull just one out of the closet without standing there for 20 minutes trying to find that last GD pillow case.  It's brilliant, isn't it?


Well, I shared it with my doc as soon as she came in and she was ECSTATIC.  Apparently, she is a freak for organizing as well.  She then gave me a tip of her own...this is what I spent last evening doing after dinner:

Did that just blow your mind?  I think I opened and closed the door about 15 times just because I was so delighted to see all of the crap that I could never find just sitting there in front of me.  I can neither confirm nor deny that I might alphabetize the items over the weekend since I won't have to spend any time moving cans around to find the tiny bag of arborio rice.


*Except if it is dusty, because dusting is not my thing. 

Day 54 - Laser Hair Removal

Let's start this one with a simple fact: I'm incredibly pale skinned and have super dark hair.  

While I enjoy the positive aspects of this contrast, such as being compared to Snow White, having a luminous complexion, the ability to pull off jewel tones like a mofo and the effect that my wearing dark red lipstick has on most people, there are a few pretty explicit drawbacks.  

For example, people naturally assume I'm a goth or a drug dealer if I'm wearing too much black.  Also, you can see every single strand of hair that I have on my body from across the street.  

When I was in seventh grade, I was teased almost daily about my mustache.  I can't even remember how many times I walked home wiping tears off of my face.  It's always made me feel vastly insecure.  My parents, even though they were so far from being able to afford it, paid to drive me to a town 50 miles away to get electrolysis every four weeks for TWO YEARS.  They knew how much the hair bothered me and they wanted to help me be my most confident Tiffany.  How awesome is that?  The love of two amazing parents with a focus on the emotional well being of their child is probably the most happy making thing on the planet. 

Unfortunately, the procedure didn't work all that well and I ended up making some sort of peace with it.  I asked my mom to stop making appointments because I didn't want to waste any more of their time or money.  As most do, the insecurity faded a bit as I grew older but I was never able to shake it entirely.  I remember when Joel and I first got together and he would try to touch my face, I would pull away.  Getting touched in the face made me uncomfortable because I was horrified at the prospect of him (or anyone) feeling stubble.

When Laser Hair Removal first became a thing, I was interested in trying it but remained skeptical.  First, Laser Hair Removal is freaking expensive.  Next, the electrolysis didn't do a damned bit of good (and it hurt).  Lastly, I didn't get paid a whole lot when I was contracting and it the procedure was freaking expensive.  Did I mention it cost a lot of money?

Then came the groupon.  God bless the groupon!  I was able to work out a deal where I did my whole face and neck for $800.  Even though that seemed like a lot of money at the time, I would make that decision over and over and over again.  

I did no photoshopping of this picture; none, nada, zilch.  My skin is smooth like butter and this makes me obscenely happy:

Day 53 - Garbage

I did not have the pleasure of hearing my first Garbage song until 1996, when I saw Leonardo and Claire's Romeo and Juliet and heard #1 Crush.  The first Garbage album came out in 1995, so this means I missed an entire year of rocking out to Shirley Manson's sultry, jaw dropping, freaking fantastic voice. 

In retrospect, this might not be a bad thing.  #1 Crush rocked my socks off and for weeks I would bust out in my sexy dance* every time I heard it.  I think this kind of behavior would have deeply disturbed my mother, but luckily for her I was out of the house in 1996 so she was never subjected to it.  

I bought "Garbage" soon after and I was completely addicted.  I remember driving around that summer with all of the windows down, the hot wind blowing through my hair, "Only Happy When It Rains" blasting on the highest volume I could get away with and still safely drive.  Little did I know at the time that I would truly test that theory once I got to Seattle.  All I knew then was bliss.  That CD didn't come out of my car until fall.  That was an amazing summer filled with cherished memories.

Today, when I opened the Zune marketplace, they all came flooding back.  I saw that Absolute Garbage (their compilation album from a few years back) was available for download.  For the one hour that I have not been in meetings, I've been in my office listening to one of my favorite redheads and reminiscing.  And working.  Of course working.  Always working.


For your listening pleasure, a reminder of what started it all...my original rock out song and the reason I fell in love with this band over 15 years ago:  





* Disclaimer: I'm not entirely sure that this dance was sexy then or if it still is today.  While I recognize this is subject to opinion, I have a high self esteem so I'm just going to go forward believing it is still true.

Day 52 - Secret Admirers

When I got back from lunch today, this bouquet of flowers and chocolate were waiting for me in my office with no note or card.  I asked around a bit and nobody has any idea who left them, although I have two unquestioned suspects.  If all else fails, my boss Megan said she'd be happy to take the credit if I couldn't find anyone who was willing to fess up.

Here they are, in all of their loveliness:

Dear Secret Admirer,
You nailed it.  Spider Mums are some of my favorite flowers and I am particularly fond of the lime green variety.  Who would not be stoked to get a "Prairie Dog Chocolate Bar"...especially a girl who grew up in North Dakota where more people had prairie dogs then cats?  Also, chocolate with toffee and almonds is one of my favorite sweets.  Seriously, you did a great job.  It's almost creepy how well you know me considering I have no idea who the hell you are.


Well, I have a little bit of an idea.


But...I guess we'll find out this week.  :-)


Anyway, THANK YOU!
-T

Day 51 - Motivation

For the sake of complete disclosure, since I was five blogs behind, I was trying to figure out how to skip some blogs yesterday. Joely wouldn't let me.  He told me that I swore I would do this blog thing, that I had plenty of things to write about and that I should quit whining and get to it.  

Then he said "Here, blog about this ridiculously large jar of expensive sugar.  One blog done!  Next, write about these disgusting mini Cadbury eggs you had to have, then dropped all over the floor at the grocery store, and made me help you pick up.  Another blog done!"

(He really did set them right in front of me.  Enormous jar of German Rock Sugar from Teavana, which is seriously the best thing that has ever happened to any kind of tea in the universe, as well as a dozen mini Cadbury eggs...minus four...plus one root beer Dum-Dum.)

True be told, it makes me happy when he snaps the whip.  One of the nice things about being married to Joel is that he is one of the few men who has the courage to tell me I'm wrong.  

The other thing that has been happening a lot lately in the way of motivation is that people are telling me how much they enjoy my blog.  Many people have said they don't want to comment because it seems like they are stalking or that they are intruding.  If you are reading this, please don't feel that way.  

A:  I am posting this blog on the open web, so people who have never met me, have no interest in meeting me, think I'm a complete douche or may be my potential arch nemesis are able to read this blog.  There is literally nothing private about it, so NOBODY is intruding here. 

B:  I LOVE hearing about people reading this blog.  Knowing that people read it and actually enjoy it gives me the motivation to write on days that I would rather be doing just about anything else, so please comment.  Comment away.  Comment every single day and simply say "I read this" or "You're a weirdo".  

C:  YOU ARE NOT STALKING OR INTRUDING.

Day 50 - MY BIRTHDAY

What else could possibly make me happy on my birthday except my birthday?  

I'm not sure why I've always been such a freak for my day.  Maybe every one is deep down inside, but I'm such an outspoken, narcissist, drama queen that I shout, sing and pirouette my way to my birthday in a way that down plays the reaction of most normal people.   

Anyway, it was a marvelous day.  I got to sleep in, then when I woke up I stayed in bed for extra snuggles with Joel, then extra puppy play time.  When we got up, he made my favorite breakfast (Eggs Benedict with bacon instead of ham).  I made the boys watch Breaking Dawn which was as delightfully groan worthy as I expected.  We went to the Melting Pot and gorged ourselves on fondue.  Then, we ended the night by going to The Secret World of Arrietty.  

It was a spectacular day.

Here is my honey and me outside of the Melting Pot:

Here is a pile of fat loots that I got from Joely and Papa Tom and Mama Mae.  It is glorious and colorful and super awesome.  It should be noted that I have been waiting for that 5 quart Le Creuset braiser what seems like forever and now it is MINE! MINE! MINE!  Oh the dinners we will make!

Just in case you didn't notice that those spatulas were PINK and SPARKLY, here is a close up:

Day 49 - Cara

I met Cara under fairly unusual circumstances.  It happened one summer when Riley was up visiting, Joel told me that we were going to meet some old friends at the Seattle Aquarium so that they could see him.  (The year is up for debate.  Joel called Ty and they think 2004.  It was sometime between 2003 and 2005.  We are old and can't be bothered to recall such details with accuracy.)  Cara and Karen (Riley's mama) had been friends from the time they were five years old.  Being Joel's new lady, I was pretty sure I was heading off to be heavily judged by people who would immediately call her and give her the full report. 

When I expressed this concern to Joel he said "Honey, I understand why you are worried but they aren't those kind of people."  I was not convinced.  But then I met them.

Cara is one of those people who makes you feel comfortable immediately -- Ty too, but this blog isn't about him. ;)  In many ways, she reminds me of my niece Stacey; she is little sassy blond who loves life.  She's one of the only people that I know who can boss Joel around and get away with it.  She is also one of those genuinely good people that you read about in books.  She doesn't talk shit about people, she doesn't complain about much...mostly she just focuses on the good in people.  She is an amazing baker.  She is a phenomenal mother.  She is incredibly silly as proven by her addiction to Mad Libs and bad puns.  She doesn't use dirty words when she plays Mad Libs, which plays back to that whole good person thing.  Also, did I mention that she sasses Joel?  


In short, she is one of the few people that I love enough to happily share my birthday weekend with, and that should be saying a lot.


I just remember how easily we fell into a friendship, it was odd because that isn't how it normally works for me.  She invited Joel and I to her family's beach house the February after we met so that we could celebrate our birthdays together.  We spent the whole weekend together during a time when we were still just getting to know each other, which should have probably been awkward.  It wasn't.  It hasn't been, not since the moment I met her.  

I can't believe I almost forgot, but Cara is also one of the few people that I will sing karaoke with.  I am, of course, AMAZING when I'm singing alone in my car.  By some strange phenomenon, I become tone deaf when I sing around other people.  Even so, I feel comfortable enough with Cara to not care, to let go and to have fun.  


Basically, she makes me feel like a part of her family and I love that feeling.


So, Happy Birthday Cara!  Again!  Because I saw you on Saturday but I'm that behind on this blog!  ;)

Birthday Girls - 2/18/2012

Day 48 - Riley, Cooking and Couscous

Ri and I started cooking through our cookbook last Friday, which was the day I should have posted this blog had time not completely gotten away from me this weekend.  I'm not going to post every dinner we make on this blog, but this was the first and I was excited.

He picked the first dish, Spiced Chicken with Spinach Couscous and Toasted Almonds.  It didn't sound like much, but once I read the ingredients I was intrigued; among them were orange juice, cinnamon and red pepper flakes. 

It was really, really amazing and Riley and I devoured it.  The next up is Bolognese with Bacon and Leeks.  This is going to be an awesome project.  

Day 47 - Spreadsheets

I think I've already mentioned that I'm a giant nerd, so going with that theme I am going to confess how happy spreadsheets make me.  


Long, long ago in another lifetime I did technical support for Microsoft products.  One of them was Excel.  Knowing all of the things I've confessed my love for so far, one would probably not guess that I fell in love with Excel the moment I started using it, until you read the next sentence.  

It does the math FOR me!


And all of a sudden it makes perfect sense, doesn't it?  

There is something about figuring out how to represent seven data points on two axes that drives me wild.  I make spreadsheets for everything.  I have tracked every single debit card transaction I've had in the same spreadsheet since 2004.  I save back ups often, I learned that when doing tech support.  ;)  I create a spreadsheet for almost every problem I have to solve at work because formulating things in rows and columns helps me make sense of them.  I am, in fact, tracking all of the things that I blog about on this blog in a spreadsheet that I set up to look like a calendar so that I can easily search and organize posts.  


There you have it folks...the tool that feeds my OCD better than any other.  That is, of course, until I get a label maker.

Day 46 - Goofy T-Shirts

The residents of me casa love our ridiculous t-shirts.  

Matching CookieThulu shirts arrived for Joel and me this week.  We weren’t trying to be cute; we just couldn’t settle our argument on who got to order one.  Instead of divorcing, we decided to just be nerdy and get matching shirts.

It wasn’t the first time we got matching shirts.  The first time was when we were in Fuddruckers in Missoula Montana.  We got them to wear as camping shirts, deciding they would be good fodder for Breck and Carrie’s campfire jokes.  We made our own jokes after we bought them.  Riley just shook his head and said “Why am I the only adult in this family?”  We figured he was just mad because he’s not allowed to swear.

I got this shirt for Joely as a part of his Valentine’s Day present.  Since he has taken up making our breakfasts on the weekends, it reminded me of him.  I swear that is the only reason.

This is a shirt that an employee at Dick’s Burgers actually tried to buy off of me.  I told him I’d been helping a friend move all day and it could probably walk off of my body and run down the street on its own, but he didn’t care.  He offered to give me a “free” Dick’s t-shirt if I would go in the bathroom and switch them out.  I told him that if I had to give him my super awesome shirt for a Dick’s t-shirt, his definition of free was flawed.  No Deal.  

(It is a picture of a cheeseburger saying “I want to be inside you.”)

I got Riley this shirt a few summers ago.  Unfortunately, I don’t have a better picture of him wearing it.  It says “If You Can Read This, Make Me a Sandwich”.  I know it is sassy and wrong, but it is also undeniably hilarious…sort of like this picture.

Last, but certainly not least, this is one of my favorite shirts of all time.  The title is “You’ve got some ‘splaining to do”.  :-D 

Day 45 - V-Day

I love Valentine's Day, but probably not for the reason you think.  It is not because I am a woman and we are supposed to love a holiday dedicated to chocolate, jewelry and fancy dinner.  

I love Valentine's Day because it is has always been my Daddy's holiday.  Mom took care of the Christmas presents and the Birthday presents, but V-Day was his day to spoil his girls.  He always bought us cards, little stuffed animals, candies, flowers, etc.  One year he brought me crocuses that he found in the field while he was out checking on his cattle.  It is the single reason that the crocus is one of my favorite flowers.

My favorite year was when he came home with this white puppy clutching a satin pillow that said "You Touched My Heart".  When he walked through the front door with it, my Mom exclaimed "Is that for me!?!"  I am told that he responded somewhat incredulously and said "No! It's for Tiffany."  

I'm assuming she has forgiven him since then since they still hold hands and kiss a lot.

Anyway, Valentines Day makes me happy because it reminds me of the unconditional love of my father.  I will NEVER get to old or married to delight in that.  

Here is Valentine Puppy from my Daddy along with Valentine Gorilla from my Mister Joely.  They keep each other company in my boudoir year round because I will also never get too old to have at least a few stuffed animals on my fainting couch.

Day 44 - Confident Women

Note to all readers:

This blog makes me happy for a few reasons.  First, because I’ve been thinking about this subject a lot; the confident women that I know make me incredibly happy.  Also, because this blog was already almost complete but never published as I had started it months ago for Emma, never finished it then promptly forgot that it existed.  I was able to make some adjustments and wrap it up in a few minutes.  As a note to myself and the rest of you, I plan on scrubbing the rest of the folder of “Almost Blogs” for other such related gems.

Note to Emma:

Emma, you being in college makes me nostalgic.  It reminds me of my own journey.  My first year of college was a turning point for me.  I met some amazing people who helped set me on the path that led me to the person I am today and for that, I am eternally grateful. For me, it was an awakening.  It might be something completely different for you, but I really hope it isn’t.  I hope you feel the same intensity that I did while I was there.  I hope you establish the bonds with people that will change the way you think about the world.  I hope that you can walk away feeling as though you have learned enough about the kind of woman that you hope to be that you have some idea on how to get there.

Actual Blog:

The recent graduation of Emma, one of my very favorite people, has had me thinking about beginnings; in particular, the beginnings for a young woman.  I have had the opportunity to see her grow from a pre-adolescent into a young woman.  I got to watch her accept her high school diploma and I welled up with tears; happy tears, excited tears, sad tears.  I have unfortunately not had this opportunity with many of the people in my own family due to the distance between us, so I am incredibly grateful for getting to witness her transformation.  She is still the tender age of eighteen, however, so from my perspective still a youngling; a fresh little flower of a woman who is on the precipice of finding her way in this world.  I think about all that lies ahead for her and as I recall all of the stages that I went through myself, I feel compelled to bestow upon her some lessons learned.  

So my sweet, snarky, fabulous EC, this blog is for you....

First and foremost, being a woman of confidence is both difficult and complicated.  Being able to shed your insecurities or grow beyond them is no easy task.  In fact, it is so difficult that I have only met a handful of ladies who have ever really been able to accomplish it.   If you are able to overcome all of the things you fear most about yourself, through whatever means you are able, you have overcome the first great hurdle of being a woman…and a human being…but for the purpose of this blog we are focusing on the female gender.  Now, your next great challenge is to contending with other women (contending with the male variety probably deserves a blog of its own).  

In my experience, there are three types of women you will meet; women of confidence, women with no confidence and women who PRETEND to have confidence. 

I’m going to focus on the women of confidence for two reasons.  First, because I believe you are destined to be one of them.  Second, because this blog is supposed to focus on positive things.  This said, I will offer only a few thoughts on the other two varieties and leave it at that. 

A woman with no confidence can be a good and loyal friend.  You will be able to mentor her and help her find her path.  You will have to be kinder to her than you are probably used to, but that’s okay.  Some people are more fragile than others, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be strong so long as they have someone who is patient and willing to allow them to figure out how to find it within themselves. 

A woman with no confidence that pretends to have confidence is likely the most dangerous creature on the planet.  She will be jealous of you because she wants what you have.  She will befriend you and then do the best that she can to take on as many of your qualities as she can and drain you of your own strength if you let her.  She talks a big game and crumples under anything resembling a challenge, criticism or real life in general.  She surrounds herself with cheerleaders and, under no circumstance, does she want anyone to tell her the truth about her actions and how she is perceived.  If you can’t make her feel better about herself, then you are her enemy.  She is like a pod person horror movie.  Stay away from her at all costs and instead chose to spend your time with women with a true sense of self.

Find like-minded women and spend the rest of your days thankful for being smart enough to spare yourself the drama.  Another woman of confidence will at once recognize how much you kick ass and adore you.  She will see you as an ally.  She will want your advice, and she will give you amazing advice of her own.  Above all, she will not see you as a threat or “the competition” because she is secure enough in herself to know her own value and not begrudge you for yours.  These are the women who you can establish mutually beneficial relationships with as they will be able to contribute to making you a better human, via a work or personal relationships, without draining you of all that makes you awesome.  Sadly, these women are harder to find than they would be if all were right with the world. 

Society holds women back from achieving this kind of relationship.  We are constantly pitted us against one another…if you don’t look like supermodel X, you aren’t pretty.  If you aren’t as successful as CEO Y, you aren’t smart.  If you make a mistake, ever, then you are fallible and not worthy of the title of Super Girl.  The most important thing to remember in becoming a woman of confidence is to STOP comparing yourself to other women.  There will always be another woman out there who is smarter than you, or prettier than you, or does better cart wheels than you.  The very second you can understand that, accept it and revel in what you have to offer the world; it will open up to you in ways that you never imagined.   

Smart people make heinous mistakes.  Being beautiful is way more complicated than being pretty.  There is a process of reflection and self improvement that every woman needs to go through in order to get to a place where she is truly accepting of herself.   The first step in this is being honest with yourself about your strengths and your weaknesses and not being afraid to be honest with other people about these things.

Don’t mistake women who have insecurities and own them as women without confidence.  It takes a huge sense of self awareness to admit you make mistakes, own them and learn from them.  If someone is willing to admit this about themselves, they have the kind of strength you should surround yourself with.  Even if they can’t always recognize it in themselves, you will be able to see it in them.

So, I guess to summarize, be proud of every little piece of what makes you who you are.  Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for it, but find people who think you kick as much ass as I think you do.  

Homework: Read this poem, Phenomenal Woman By Maya Angelou.  A friend once told me that it reminded her of me because I made her proud to be a woman.  To date, it is one of the greatest compliments I have ever received. 

Also, know that I love you and I always have your back.